when I was younger, I wanted three things.
literally, before I went to college my new years resolution consistent of dieting, weight loss pills, weaves…
(I am not inferring that ALL women wear weaves because they are insecure. Personally, I wore sew – ins back then because I did not like the length of my natural hair or the texture)
to be honest, I did not like the way I looked for the longest. because I did not like the way I looked, I starved for compliments and affirmations from other people. most of the time, the wrong people.
I found myself in wrong friendships, relationships that caused me self destruction.
it wasn’t until my sophomore year, while I was pledging for THEE Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated Epsilon Rho chapter, that I found my voice.
I found the love within myself. I found the God within me. From that moment on, I knew that I cannot fail.
I was fearful to be confident, but never afraid.
I started wearing wigs just for the hell of it and cut off my hair to Caillou length. It was time, I was 21, and it was timeeee to love me some me. Truly.
Now, self love is not cute. I had to forgive myself for my absolute stupidity from time to time, but own to my mistakes. This takes admitting when you are wrong and not being comfortable in the “victim” mindset.
This also means being ALONE. yes, taking some time away from folks. Going for a walk, turning your phone off, or praying.
I am still on this journey of self love, in 2017, Kwyn has grown SO much. I have become that person that can go out to eat alone, to events alone, to movies ALONE. I am fine with being a Type 2 Diabetic, bisexual, unashamedly. I love my absence of my thigh gap and how my breasts catch anything that I drop. I love my flappy stomach and my wings for arms. I love my neck and my small lips and my squinty eyes. I love how I can keep going. I love me. truly, every part.
self love is a revolutionary act, meaning, to TRULY love yourself INSPITE of other people trying to tear you down is some revolutionary shit.